I enjoy writing on our family blog- but I keep the posts related to simplifying, and my failures along those lines.
But believe me, I fail in ALOT more areas than simplification.
I fail at relationships, housekeeping, personal hygiene, dog training, and latte art on a daily basis. So much so, that I tend to wonder exactly what it is that I'm succeeding at besides being stinky and a leech on the people in my life.
Yikes, that's bleak. I should have warned you. This blog is a place for me to process things. That means you'll have to hear alot of my self-loathing. I wouldn't suggest my blog as any sort meditative reading.
I'm actually having a good week- despite a setback that may have been a source of depression.
We found out that our house is worth at least $50K less than we thought. This is huge in the scheme of things because we got this crazy idea that we wanted to buy the house next door.
It's everything we'd ever want- 3 bedrooms, huge living room and kitchen, flat lot, finished attic, 2 car garage, etc. We've liked it ever since we moved into our house, and we've always dreamed or joked about moving into it.
When it went on the market, we dared to dream, and contacted the realtor about it. The price was not what we thought it'd be- it was about $50K more than we'd predicted. But we were offered help from family.
And that help sort of petered out, and there's just no way, now. Especially now that we know we will most definitely lose money on this house.
There are so many issues tied up in this- my need for change (unhealthy, but present), Matt's anxiety over our finances, my desire to have a place to welcome family and guests, the real need of actual physical space for our growing family.
Ugh.
I don't know what the right way to feel is. I really thought God was leading us to that house. But, as always, it seems like my dreams are never in the real plans.
I'm bummed. Realistically, we are fine were we are. I know all the right answers of how I should feel blessed that we even own a home, of how we have our health, etc. But, I'm still bummed.
We couldn't even buy a cheaper home without getting into a bind right now. We may be upside down in this loan. That's what I get for pushing us into this house, I suppose.
It is our first home, and I felt it would be a good investment that we could always sell for more money when we needed to. I pushed Matt into buying it.
And here we are. Stuck.
I wont go into why I loathe this little house lately. We are simply a family of five living in a poorly planned 2 bedroom home with no closets. (ok, we have one closet). To make things worse we have a big dog. (not my idea, by the way....sorry Strider, but you're killing me.)
Ok. Complaining over. I promise.
We are safe and warm and happy. And I know who I am, and my family loves me, and we have food. (takes deep breath)
I just wish my object of desire weren't outside my window, flashing it's wrap around porch at me. :)
The picture here is of our current house- to which everyone always says "Awww, its so CUTE!". Yes, yes, it's mildly charming. Try living in it with 3 kids during a long winter full of power outages.
OK, I'm done NOW.
