Oh the humanity

I hate teeth. I'm told I don't want dentures, but I tend to think those people are simply paid by greedy dentist to say that. My teeth suck. They are the only part of my body that I cant count on to work WITH me. (ok, my skin doesn't help me much either.)

My teeth hate me and I hate them. I use to take better care of them, but now it seem even brushing hurts.

Last time I went to get a filling, I freaking FELT THE DRILL! @#$%!!!!!!!!!!!!! And four months later, that same tooth looks AWFUL and needs work.

What the HELL am I going to do? I'm freaking out. I have an appointment on May 6th...and I've called my doctor to see if he'll just kill me beforehand. Ok, ok, I mean, I called to see about some Xanax (spelling?).

I'm scared. I'd rather give birth anyday. We can put a man on the moon, but we cant make a tiny filling less painful than passing a human through our torso? What kind of screwed up world is this?

Under the gun with no voice, no time and a toddler

Tonight there is a Gallery at Oak Hills Church I've PROMISED to have at least one piece in. The problem is I HAVEN'T FINISHED ANY OF THE PIECES!!!!!

My house is a wreck, too. I've got so much to do this morning, my natural tendency is to ignore it all and go to bed. Seriously- I did it in college all the time! I know, I know, I'm a grown up, I've got to get my rear in gear. (yikes, "rear in gear"?)

Also, I've lost my voice and Matt and I are in a skit Saturday night for this Mosaic:Night with the Arts. I will be fine I'm sure, but yikes....

Here is my latest painting, which I actually like! Ok, off to finish my other painting.

Another painting and more creativity menacing my real life

One down and hopefully more to go! Yes, I offically sold my first painting. And while my gut is churning, hoping the mama will like the painting, I'm excited to be doing this!

I need to finish my second one, I just need a dedicated hour or so without someone hanging on my leg!!! Aghh!

I also need to finish a piece for Mosaic, a gallery/show coming up in a few weeks. Matt and I are in a drama that we need to write as well. Yikes! But this is the stuff of life! The good stuff!!

And I haven't worked on my screenplay in a while. I need to! I was so ahead of schedule and and feeling so good. But now I'm having to face the fact that hey...this is a story- you're gonna have to bring it around eventually- no more talking, make something happen!!! It's a challenge. And I love it. I'm pretty sure all my friends think I'm crazy, and thats ok for me. I'm always crazy. If you catch me acting normal, planning ahead, on top of things, that means somethings desperately amiss!

Broken Hearts, Dreams come true, all whilst living in a crap hole

So, Matt and I are doing Script Frenzy this month. The object is to complete a 100 page script or screenplay in the month of April. I completed NaNoWriMo (50, 000 word novel) in November and LOVED doing it, and I'm enjoying this too- although I'm way behind.

My idea isn't anything impressive- its a love story. I'm so inspired by old love songs and how music effects our emotions, I wanted to sort of write a screenplay around the different feeling in a relationship in connection with songs. As far as the story itself, it's loosely based on a heartbreak in my own life; sort of a "what if it HAD" worked idea. And I've worked on the characters enough that I think it COULD work- as opposed to the real life inspiration. I love the idea of people who are in love but separated somehow- I guess I'm a hopeless sap. There is something so beautiful about a broken heart. Its the best worst feeling in the world.

So, when I'm not painting, I'm writing scenes. Or listening to Linda Ronstadt, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Skeeter Davis, etc. Whatever sappiness moves the next scene.

Painting. Ok, so I finished my first commissioned painted on Friday, and it feels good. All though I am endlessly critical of my work. I can barely stand to even look at it. I hope to gain a healthy perspective on my own paintings. I cannot seem to totally except my own work, it never seems right. I wonder if it ever will be?

I start my second today- hopefully it will be less of a challenge! The last one, I had to paint a beautiful babies face- with all it's delicate coloring and sweetness. At this point in my skill level there is NO way to do justice to a childs face. I've got to practice me. This will all feel real when I actually get paid. That will be surreal. Does that mean I'm an artist? I've been waiting 30 years to hear that one.

Ok...so, some coffee, some Patsy Cline, a few scenes to crank out and a line drawing to complete.

Oh crap- I forgot I have three kids to tend to today! And laundry....and this nasty house to deal with. Dangit.

Check out this picture looking into the kids room. You'd think THIS was my top priority. But you see- this disgusting mess wont go anywhere- it will be here tommorow. Along with my inability to deal with it. The crap hole of my living space is something I can count on. I should work on it, but I'm overwhelmed and I've got too much else going on to deal with it right now.

Painting.

I want to be an artist. Yes! Me and 5 million other people! 2 million of which probably have more time, experience and talent than me! Thats why I don't paint. Why bother?

But the question haunts me: What if I was good? And what if I could really do this and make a name for myself and paint the kind of stuff I'd love to see at a gallery? What IF?

Ugh.

Well, I decided to do a painting for a friends birthday, and as you probably guessed- its the one pictured here. I was happy with it....for once! I have done probably a dozen paintings, but this one, I liked enough to actually give to someone.

So, now I'm taking a chance- I'm opening it up to other people and offering customs paintings of babywearing moms. I'm really excited, but scared, too. I keep thinking, "What if I can't do it?"

But, if I DON'T do it, I certainly "can't". All I can do is dive in and try.