Vanity backfires- more growing up to do, I guess.

So, everytime I go to a Chinese restraunt, I always check out the placemats with the Chinese Zodiac on them. My sign is the Snake. Heres some Snake info:

"People born in the Year of the Snake are deep. They say little and possess great wisdom. They never have to worry about money; they are financially fortunate. Snake people are often quite vain, selfish, and a bit stingy. Yet they have tremendous sympathy for others and try to help those less fortunate. Snake people tend to overdo, since they have doubts about other people's judgment and prefer to rely on themselves. They are determined in whatever they do and hate to fail. Although calm on the surface, they are intense and passionate. Snake people are usually good-looking and sometimes have marital problems because they are fickle."

How flattering. And how freakishly accurate. (except for the "say little" part- thats NOT accurate) I'm vain. I look in the mirror too much. I think about my clothes and my hair and my overall effect WAY too much. And though I've gotten LESS vain over the years, I'm still embarassingly showy.

My hair isn't blue anymore, but I'm letting it grow very long- I like extremes. And I tend to see myself as art- like I can make myself an exhibit of sorts to express my ideas about culture or aesthetic. I've never felt weird or impropriate about this stuff as an adult and still like to push the envelope with my clothes and jewelry and shoes and stuff.

Well, I tend to like attention, reassurance and flattery- as noted by my OTHER Astrological sign Cancer (although I dont actually follow astrology, I find the signs to be tremendously convicting sometimes).

I'm 30. I'm a mother of three and very happily married- seriously- VERY happy. ACTUALLY married to my soul mate. SO, am I looking around for attention from men? NO! Just....attention in general, if we're being brutally honest.

So, a week ago, I got some attention from a (male)friend that freaked me out. Just flattery, really, but excessive, in my opinion. Enough to make me realize who I am and what I'm doing here. Now, maybe he would have complimented me regardless of how I dress, but it made me realize something.

I am not a teenager. I should not need people to look at me anymore. What is wrong with me? I always say men don't hit on me, so Matt has nothing to worry about. But a friend of mine says that I probably just don't realize it. Really? Men have been hitting on me all these years and I didn't get it?

And now that I feel someone HAS sort of "hit" on me, I'm totally freaked out! I do NOT want this attention. I do not want people- any people to see me as someone whos looking to get this sort of attention.

Ugh. Why am I so lame? When will the realizations of adulthood end? Will I ever be a good person?

I choose not to add a photo. Because it would no doubt be of myself. Being vain. Yikes.